2025-12-30

the threat of a varied education

it frustrates me to no end when my complaints about weeder classes and filler classes are met with "well it's good to have a varied education." i think i want a varied education more than Anyone in the world. there is so, so, so much interesting stuff in this beautiful world — more than you could ever hope to conquer.

the classes simply suck. they are bad classes. it is a struggle to succeed even in the classes for my most favourite subjects. i love mathematics so, so much. yet i failed calculus I. i just can't handle this stuff lol. and if i can't handle math classes, and i can't handle comp sci classes, how do you think i'll handle the other courses i'm forced to take? yes, i'd love to learn mythology. i'd love to learn biology, linguistics, phonetics, technical writing, creative writing, history, geology, geography, physics, chemistry, any field of math, public speaking, typography, photography, music theory, programming, engineering, electronics, ... almost anything, really. but what i wouldn't love is another disgrace to curiosity on my plate. i'll fail the class every time. i'm simply, tragically, not built for that kind of work. one more poorly-taught course to suffer through. another pile of homework that i can't afford to put true effort into.

sometimes i think about the subjects i love the most, and how i'd feel about them were one of these classes my introduction to them. i might never want to touch korean again. linguistics might seem like a pointless pedantic chore. the entire field of comp sci would feel like a LARP group for careerists to pretend to be smart.